Walk by Faith

31 days until I leave Utah to begin my Journey. 25 days until my last day at work. And 14 days until I have to say goodbye to my Second Grade class on Sunday mornings. Things are going by so fast now. Every time I blink another two weeks disappear. And it is exciting and frightening all at the same time.

I am excited because I know that this is where I am supposed to be and I know that God has called me to do this. And I know that whenever God speaks something crazy is about to go down. I have no idea what He is planning for this year of my life but I am so excited to see what He is planning. It is almost like seeing the presents under the Christmas tree and just counting down the hours until you can tear off the wrapping paper and finally see what your loved ones have gotten you. And you are excited because you know that the gift giver loves you and you know that whenever they give you a gift it is something that you would love and cherish. That is what it is like waiting to go. I know that God loves me and I know that he is good and everything he does in my life is for my benefit. Even though it isn’t always something I would pick out for myself it has a way of being exactly what I needed.

But I am also frightened. I am frightened that I will somehow screw this up. I am frightened that my flesh will come out in ways I never wanted it to come out. I really do not want to mess up. Everything in me wants to do well. I want to go down to Costa Rica and Guatemala and be the best intern that they have ever had. But I know me. I know my weaknesses. I know my deepest and darkest sins. I know these things and sometimes they haunt me. They keep me up at night and they cause tears to come to my eyes. When I let my mind dwell on these things I want to throw my hands up and surrender. There is absolutely no way I can do this.

But as Pastor Don told us in reference to facing Goliath, “When we live by sight we will live by fear. When you live by faith you will realize that this is why you’re here.”

All I can see are my weakness and the reasons why I cannot be used by God. And God says in 2 Corinthians 12:9 “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”. He has told me to go and I will go with my head held up and with an expectant heart. For God knows my weaknesses and has a plan to use those weaknesses in a way that will glorify Him. How can I not be excited?